So I re-applied for the king-size one-fits-all loan yesterday and print it out at Kinko's over by the U (since Jen sold some clothes to Everyday People) and printed out the new king-size loan application, only to be told today by the same financial aid person that I bugged out on via email yesterday that yes, York grad students will be able to obtain Stafford and Graduate PLUS loans, unlike what I had been told.
Imagine that, Sallie Mae was wrong! Imagine that.
Despite all of yesterday's post-nuclear efforts, I was unable to relax and went on auto-pilot for most of today after finding that out. I figure it's up to the school to distribute that anyway, and I'll find out if they'll simply re-instate the loans I applied for in May that were canceled, or if I have to do that yet again, as I'm not going to subject my credit to yet another hit with another application started and canceled. I'll just have to wait on what the Consulate now has, and hope that things work out (I almost wrote "hope that I don't get fucked over", but am trying very hard to alter my perspective and be more positive about what I can't control).
Since I can't count on the financial aid, I executed Plan A, which was to liquidate my last 401(k) for about $3000 which will cover the first/last month's rent on whatever place Jen and I get. That's right, yours truly now officially has no retirement funds whatsoever. But whatever... if Social Security hasn't been completely demolished in 25 years when I'm supposedly supposed to think about "retiring" then I'll be very surprised. This whole adventure is about trying to start fresh, make good, and make good money. And for all of my own planning and concern, I feel a lot better than I'd expect with more family members involved in this decision and process of mine, as I'm sure I'd be peppered with projected anxieties and worries about it all being so expensive, how far away I was moving from my family, and such a risk to take without a guaranteed return.
That, of course, is exactly the point. As far as I'm concerned, there are people who accept what is laid out before them and those who strive for something more intrinsic that requires something more drastic. There is no "right" time - I made up my mind and set my course. (One might say that I stubbornly maintain the idealism that I've been encouraged to compromise or abandon by various people and forces that have been in my life at one point or another.) It's only now that the process of getting to Canada seems more arduous than it was getting accepted into the program; in a couple of months I will be grateful for the time I had at this very moment to type this, deluged as I'll be with hundreds of pages of reading and analysis and classes and small group meetings.
And you know what? In two months I'll also be able to walk out my door and take in the Toronto International Film Festival. Or not,if I so choose. The new options are so vast and I'd be lying if I said that I had any real idea of what Jen and I will encounter to stretch ourselves and grow as people. Suffice to say, at the end of the day, I'm less tired than I am satisfied with where things are going, and each incremental goal reached is a big deal.
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