Putting a steel pole in the jaws of the dream crusher.

Received the near-worst news possible today restricting my financial aid to a Fantasyland number.  My head is spinning; I cannot think.  I have eaten one granola bar and drank maybe one glass of water today.

Called through to the voicemail of the financial aid determiner today; the voicemail was predictably full and there was no forwarding option available.  It's possible that the person missed one of the loans, but my gut tells me that I have been screwed, and I have to take my case to the Dean's office tomorrow morning.  I will look on all of the Big Five banks' websites for more options, but I suspect that their student options will be limited to Canadian citizens or permanent residents.  Maybe I'm wrong, but our household is struggling against the wind right now.

We don't even have our things, which will finally arrive Friday morning.

I owe six hundred dollars to a friend that I love like a brother, and I have no idea when I will be able to pay him back.  A relative co-signed for a loan after I desperately tried to get the right information from my school's financial aid department.  I have all of the emails to back up all of the misstatements and drudge that I tried to wade through, apparently to no avail.

People have put their trust in me and I feel like I have let them down.  I have been pragmatic my whole life, vigilant to the vagaries of human nature, and I know in my mind and heart that I did everything I was supposed to do in this instance.  For the last year, I have been aiming at this, taking care of as much as humanly possible.  Even if our family was living for free, we would still have to stretch the approved allotment, would still fall behind on bills.  I honestly have no idea what the school is thinking with its limitations; I want to see the metrics for myself.

There is an admissions board that wants me at that school, and there is a financial aid board that apparently does not care.  I have nothing to go back to, only a rebuilding project.  I have to hold it together for myself and my girl.  I have to make something work.

Somehow.